First blood

Ask any dr, and he will have stories to tell about his first night call. We've done them before as medical students, in many different departments, in A&E, what have u. We've even spent late nights studying in school, so the experience of being sleep deprived certainly isn't new. What is it then, that bonds all drs together in this unique institution, that gives drs who have never met each other something instantly to talk abt and click (kind of like NS to singaporean males)?

But none of these things will ever prepare you for the experience of that first call; the first time when you are all that stands between patients and various catastrophes, when you are the helpdesk for nurses on everything u can think of (and many things u can't, like patient complaining his legs feel hot, what to do). When calls come thick and fast every 2 minutes, and u have no idea what to do and there's noone else to turn to.

And that, of course, is discounting the physical aspects of it; how i felt tired at 5 pm, with the knowledge that there's at least 17 hours + left to go, how i felt sticky and disgusting but no time to shower, how i felt hungry but canteen's closed (7 11 for my dinner, in case u're wondering). How i badly wanted to sleep but i had the certain knowledge that there are 2 more patients who will need to be seen in an hour's time after operation, and they are in the ward the entire length of the hospital away. And of course, the utter sense of desolation u get wandering the halls of NUH at night all alone, with the rest of the world sleeping/at home (on this last note, thanks to the med students who were with me till 9 at least haha)...

People always talk about life changing experiences on call; for me at least, the real experience came on thinking back about it afterwards. During that time, the brain just enters this zone; unable to think, and u just want to work ur way thru the list of stuff to do and concuss on the bed back in the call room. More than once i prayed hard; for (insert noun here) to: (i) stop oozing (ii) pass urine please (iii) normal blood tests and just about anything u can imagine. For this is the reality of call; u spend ur time wishing for all these things, and when they don't, u get about the grim task of doing something about it.

But its not all doom and gloom; having sweet nurses offer encouragement and sweets (nop pun intended), having friendly MOs who do clear doubts and crack jokes, having understanding reg, having patients who smile and thank you; medical students who remind u of the fire u once had, these are the things that will get you thru the night. These, and of course, the comforting thought that loved ones are out there, thinking of u (hopefully :P)

Wise words, those who told me that no matter how bad the call, the sun will always rise at the end. There was one point that was really bad; stuck in the paeds ward debating whether to attempt paeds plug (a real horror, btw), with 2 wards repeatedly calling me to post op r/v, with new admission waiting somewhere, and many many passives, and my MO telling me to go draw blood + ABG for a HD patient. That was around 12.30 am, and probably the lowest point of the call. But once u get down to attacking the work, it sorts itself out eventually, and the sun did indeed rise on a new day.

More stuff to say, but i don't really feel like going on heh. If u managed to read till here, congrats :P

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."

-George Carlin